God that is exactly what I am completely and udderly worthless. I can not do anything right. I cant loss weight I cant be a descent mom, wife or even friend. I am a drain on the oxygen of someone better than me!!!
I am not sure what is going on at home maybe it is just me but it seems like if my husband and i are even in the same room he starts picking a fight with me. I have just avoided him the last few days to save my sanity. Yesterdays weigh in was a fucking bust. I gained 3 lbs since last week yea that is nice. I mean really how hard is it to either stay the same weight or loss people do it all the time. if i could just stop putting shit in my mouth then I could also be one of those people. I was so embarrassed when I left the weigh in.
My world is falling apart I cant stop it and just sit like a bump on a log and watch it. I dont even complain about it anymore just sit there and watch. I have no want to even try and fight back. just let it be. I need to do something about my weight or just drop out of the challenge I am not one that thinks you should do anything you are not good at and my biggest fear in life is failure and I am failing at everything.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Plan from now till Monday
So my next weigh in is monday I really hope I do good. I am thinking about a fast today and tomorrow. I will make my low cal soup saturday morning and eat it for lunch and dinner saturday, sunday and monday. I am hoping the weather will be ok for a run saturday and sunday and will exercise every chance I get. I know my scale at home that I use will have to be under 136 in order to do any good monday afternoon. God I hate weighing in with clothes on in the afternoon. I have not seen the 130's in YEARS I get so close then screw it up some how. figures crossed I can do it.
So far today I have had my coffee, Monster Absolutely zero, which sucks and taste nothing like their Black Ice but forgot to go to the store last night so this is what I have. I am hoping for the best on this fast!
So far today I have had my coffee, Monster Absolutely zero, which sucks and taste nothing like their Black Ice but forgot to go to the store last night so this is what I have. I am hoping for the best on this fast!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Not much to say
Basically I just wanted to tell the few new followers I have HI. Thanks for followin me and look forward to your comments.
Next I wanted to say back to Miranda's comment that I am jealous of my friends lack of ED knowledge. I envy their Oh look gained a pound oh well attitude and really I dont ever remember feeling like that. Even when I was little/younger I would get all upset when I would have to go up a size in jeans and then would work really hard to make them loss on me.
I envy them but really can not imagine life any other way??? crazy.
Next I wanted to say back to Miranda's comment that I am jealous of my friends lack of ED knowledge. I envy their Oh look gained a pound oh well attitude and really I dont ever remember feeling like that. Even when I was little/younger I would get all upset when I would have to go up a size in jeans and then would work really hard to make them loss on me.
I envy them but really can not imagine life any other way??? crazy.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Quick update
So went and tanned today need to look hot for vegas...any ways they put some of the weigh ins up on the mirror. Someone loss 7LBS in a week OMG I have got to step up my game!!! I want the cash and I want to look hot for vegas!!! Working overtime now!
Week 1 weight in
So yesterday was the first weigh in of the weigh challenge I joined. I looked though all of my clothes to find the lightest thing i had since I have to weigh in with them one. I only had 3 cups of coffee and NO water till after I got there on my lunch. marched in place at work and stepped on the scale yesterday and it read 145.8 last week it was 150 I am feeling pretty good. I just hope I can keep it up. Cash is a great incentive lol...So I am going to start tanning for my trip in March hopefully they have everyones weight on the mirror so I can see how others did.
So had to post my crazy ED out bust from yesterday. My friend is also doing the challenge she had a baby last July so she is still trying to loss a few pounds. Anyway I was leaving coffee yesterday and asked her if she was doing the challenge also, she said yea and I asked her if she weighed in before coming to coffee, she looked at me weird and said no I will just go after. I was like OMG you are going to sit here and drink coffee for an hour then weigh in??? She could not understand why I was freaking out so bad. I cant understand why she would add unneeded weight to her number. I know my firends think I am crazy and it seems the older I get the hard it is to hide my crazy ED thoughts, they just come out of my mouth without me realizing it.
So had to post my crazy ED out bust from yesterday. My friend is also doing the challenge she had a baby last July so she is still trying to loss a few pounds. Anyway I was leaving coffee yesterday and asked her if she was doing the challenge also, she said yea and I asked her if she weighed in before coming to coffee, she looked at me weird and said no I will just go after. I was like OMG you are going to sit here and drink coffee for an hour then weigh in??? She could not understand why I was freaking out so bad. I cant understand why she would add unneeded weight to her number. I know my firends think I am crazy and it seems the older I get the hard it is to hide my crazy ED thoughts, they just come out of my mouth without me realizing it.
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Quick Question for anyone who wants to answer
So I was at the store last night buying celery, green peppers and I remember all you ladies talking about 0 cal energy drinks so I bought the black ice monsters but my question is what am I hoping to gain from drinking them?? I really dont drink a lot of energy drinks just wondering why you all drink them.
Thanks in advance for the reply.
Thanks in advance for the reply.
Monday, January 16, 2012
I dont have a title
Sorry I dont really know what to put as a title cause I am just full of random stuff today.
First my Acia, hoodia, green tea pills came last friday really excited about that not sure how good they are working cause my weight has been up and do so much lately.
Second the soup worked good until it was gone loss about 8 lbs then gained back 5 gggrrr.
And the news I am the most excited about is.....There is a beauty Solon that is doing an 8 week weight loss challenge for anyone that wants to do it. i went in today. it cost $20.00 so maybe the fact that I am a tight ass when it comes to money will motivate me. There is a cash reward and the challenge ends the 12th of March a week before Vegas. This would be the best free money to take!!!.. I am going to the store tonight to buy celery green peppers and anything else low cal i can think of to take to work with me to eat. I will not have a doughnut on friday and the vending machine is completely off limits. I am a pretty competitive person when it is put up on a poster board (We choose different names lol) for the world to see. My weight at 1:00pm was 150lbs. That is 4 lbs heavier than I weighted at 5:00am this morning I wanted to die when I seen that number. I cant wait to see how this goes.
First my Acia, hoodia, green tea pills came last friday really excited about that not sure how good they are working cause my weight has been up and do so much lately.
Second the soup worked good until it was gone loss about 8 lbs then gained back 5 gggrrr.
And the news I am the most excited about is.....There is a beauty Solon that is doing an 8 week weight loss challenge for anyone that wants to do it. i went in today. it cost $20.00 so maybe the fact that I am a tight ass when it comes to money will motivate me. There is a cash reward and the challenge ends the 12th of March a week before Vegas. This would be the best free money to take!!!.. I am going to the store tonight to buy celery green peppers and anything else low cal i can think of to take to work with me to eat. I will not have a doughnut on friday and the vending machine is completely off limits. I am a pretty competitive person when it is put up on a poster board (We choose different names lol) for the world to see. My weight at 1:00pm was 150lbs. That is 4 lbs heavier than I weighted at 5:00am this morning I wanted to die when I seen that number. I cant wait to see how this goes.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
141.4???
So I dont know what is in the soup but that was my weight this morning. I put 2 cups in a bowl for lunch and only are 1 1/2 and the same with dinner. I had my coffee and water then ate 2 jolly ranchers last night thanks again for the idea!! I am a little bummed this morning I got up to find my step-son (that moved out of 2 years ago) sleeping in my living room so no zumbu and for some reason my 8 year old is awake he is watching a movie on netflixs so no palates. It is about 16 degrees outside so I really do bnot want to go running I am sitting here thinks of how and were i can get some exercising in. We are going snowboarding later but i am worried that will not be enough today. So here I sit with my coffee smokes laptop and blogspot.... what to do maybe I can just go to my room and do some leg lifts jumping jacks and sit-ups or maybe I step-son will leave in the next hour??? yea like he is going to get up before 10 hahaha.
Hope you all have a great day.
Hope you all have a great day.
Saturday, January 7, 2012
Soups on
Ok sorry about another post but I just finished making my soup totaled everything up calorie wise and thought I would share. I am not sure how much each bowl is going to be but I will eat 2 cups full with 4 crackers at each meal. so cal count for soup
1 pack lean turkey 680 cals
1 can black peas 385 cals
3 cups low sodium V8 150 cals
2 cups diced celery 34 cals
1 cup diced Zucchini 20 cals
1 green pepper 33 cals
2 cups chopped cilantro10 cals
1 cup chopped parsely 22 cals
2 cups water 0 cals
1 teaspoon balck pepper 0 cals
1 teaspoon garlic salt 0 cals
1 teaspoon ground cumin 0 cals
1 teaspoon cayene pepper0 cals
total 1334 cals
You can add different veggie if you want but those are what i picked. it is smelling really good and actually cant wait to have my first bowl. When I looked at the complete total I was a bit alarmed but remember this is 2 meals of 3 days worth. I will weigh in tomorrow and let you know if i lost anything. I have had nothing but coffee and water so far and did an hour of palates and have been clean (i mean cleaning) my house to keep moving. God I hope this soup works at least a little.
1 pack lean turkey 680 cals
1 can black peas 385 cals
3 cups low sodium V8 150 cals
2 cups diced celery 34 cals
1 cup diced Zucchini 20 cals
1 green pepper 33 cals
2 cups chopped cilantro10 cals
1 cup chopped parsely 22 cals
2 cups water 0 cals
1 teaspoon balck pepper 0 cals
1 teaspoon garlic salt 0 cals
1 teaspoon ground cumin 0 cals
1 teaspoon cayene pepper0 cals
total 1334 cals
You can add different veggie if you want but those are what i picked. it is smelling really good and actually cant wait to have my first bowl. When I looked at the complete total I was a bit alarmed but remember this is 2 meals of 3 days worth. I will weigh in tomorrow and let you know if i lost anything. I have had nothing but coffee and water so far and did an hour of palates and have been clean (i mean cleaning) my house to keep moving. God I hope this soup works at least a little.
Vegas BABY!!!
So my hubby myself and hopefully at least one of my friend will be going to Vegas in march. Hubby and I for sure. I am so excited I have not been there for like 15 years lol. My hubby has never been there. I am trying to find us the best deals and am praying the pools will be open by then, which leads to my new problem now...I have just a little over 2 months to NOT look like a mother of 4 from a pope dunk town in Wyoming that will be turning 35 this year. I wan to look HOT smokin fuck HOT!!! Molly Sims hot lol. We have had a pretty mid winter so far so I am hoping I can get at least two runs a week in and then exercise my ass off (literally) the rest of the days. I will start tanning in Feb. No albino chick here!!
So I weighed myself this morning 144.8 and here in a bit I will make this vegetable soup that is suppose to make me loss 10 lbs in 3 days. not excepting a miracle but hey I guess it is worth a shoot. All I am out is the cost of the ingredient I bought.
I need to get a hold of my AA at school and request a 2 week break in my classes so I do not have to worry about school while on my trip OMG did I tell you I am excited lol. Sorry you ladies are goin to have to deal with this craziness for 2 long months lol.
I want to thank Miranda and A friend of ANA for your encouraging words and comments it is nice to log on and read your support.
So I weighed myself this morning 144.8 and here in a bit I will make this vegetable soup that is suppose to make me loss 10 lbs in 3 days. not excepting a miracle but hey I guess it is worth a shoot. All I am out is the cost of the ingredient I bought.
I need to get a hold of my AA at school and request a 2 week break in my classes so I do not have to worry about school while on my trip OMG did I tell you I am excited lol. Sorry you ladies are goin to have to deal with this craziness for 2 long months lol.
I want to thank Miranda and A friend of ANA for your encouraging words and comments it is nice to log on and read your support.
Thursday, January 5, 2012
WTF
Sorry I havnt posted in awhile but really with as many comments as I get I doubt any one noticed. So New years eve was awesome. We had so much fun out of town I cant wait to go back!!
So here is the WTF...Since Christmas I have been struggling with my weight I am up I am a little down then shoot right back up again. So yesterday i stepped on the scale 148.6 OMG I wanted to die I dug out my fat ugly clothes and made myself wear those as a punishment for letting myself get fat. I had ordered some Aciaberry, Green Tea, Hoodia pills on the 3rd I have been tracking Amazon like a mad crazed Stalker hoping they ship soon. I figured if those three are great they would be magnificent combined I guess we will see. Ok sorry got off track, anyways to I hardly ate anything yesterday tried to find the perfect diet and thought of what spare time I might have to get exercising in to help myself. that was it nothing major. Oh and sorry for jumping around but my husband is an ASS!!! so last night after I fixed dinner and got everyone some I did not get me a plate, my husband ask are you going to eat? I said NO I cant I have gained to much weight (in total about 6 lbs after my ups and downs) and he said well what do you except you keep shoving food in your mouth...maybe you should start doing you run/walking again before it gets to bad. WTH are you serious what happened to unconditional love you know the Oh you look fine you dont need to worry on instead I get ya your fat ass could give up a few meals. I wanted to die, cry and then kill him. If he really only knew what his comments really do to me.
Ok so back to my WTF...so this morning I get up go pee and step on the scale just like I do every freaking morning waiting to see a nice even number of 150 cause that is just how it is going lately and what do I see 144.8 yea I lost almost 4 lbs in 24 hours doing nothing??? Who does that and why when i work my ass off and try to loss weight I never loss anything I am just baffled. I am convinced my scale is broke. (It is barely 6 months old) and have punished myself with fat clothes again today because I just do not believe what I seen.
I am a freak sorry for rambling if you read all of this sorry there 5 minutes of your life you will never get back. Ok I will weigh myself tomorrow but really except to see a large number again and will pray my pills hurry. Write later.
So here is the WTF...Since Christmas I have been struggling with my weight I am up I am a little down then shoot right back up again. So yesterday i stepped on the scale 148.6 OMG I wanted to die I dug out my fat ugly clothes and made myself wear those as a punishment for letting myself get fat. I had ordered some Aciaberry, Green Tea, Hoodia pills on the 3rd I have been tracking Amazon like a mad crazed Stalker hoping they ship soon. I figured if those three are great they would be magnificent combined I guess we will see. Ok sorry got off track, anyways to I hardly ate anything yesterday tried to find the perfect diet and thought of what spare time I might have to get exercising in to help myself. that was it nothing major. Oh and sorry for jumping around but my husband is an ASS!!! so last night after I fixed dinner and got everyone some I did not get me a plate, my husband ask are you going to eat? I said NO I cant I have gained to much weight (in total about 6 lbs after my ups and downs) and he said well what do you except you keep shoving food in your mouth...maybe you should start doing you run/walking again before it gets to bad. WTH are you serious what happened to unconditional love you know the Oh you look fine you dont need to worry on instead I get ya your fat ass could give up a few meals. I wanted to die, cry and then kill him. If he really only knew what his comments really do to me.
Ok so back to my WTF...so this morning I get up go pee and step on the scale just like I do every freaking morning waiting to see a nice even number of 150 cause that is just how it is going lately and what do I see 144.8 yea I lost almost 4 lbs in 24 hours doing nothing??? Who does that and why when i work my ass off and try to loss weight I never loss anything I am just baffled. I am convinced my scale is broke. (It is barely 6 months old) and have punished myself with fat clothes again today because I just do not believe what I seen.
I am a freak sorry for rambling if you read all of this sorry there 5 minutes of your life you will never get back. Ok I will weigh myself tomorrow but really except to see a large number again and will pray my pills hurry. Write later.
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