New month New goal New ME

Ok September is just around the corner and this WILL be my month. I fucked around all summer sleeping in not exercising and eating crap and drinking like a fish...NO MORE!!! I have to do something before winter gets here which were I live is just around the corner. I do not get home from work until dark in the winter so I must take action NOW!!!

So here is my plan...My month will be filled with exercising, If I eat it will be healthy food no more crap. I will try not to drink so much (this is going to be my hardest goal). If I am not busy at work I will go some leg lifts squats ect. I will loss weight this month if it kills me!!!

I finally found a red bracelet yesterday, it is weird I wrote about one a while ago and then could not find one anywhere. It is not what I wanted but it will have to do til I find a better one. I will post my measurements and weight on Sept. 1 and keep a log every two weeks. I am serious this time no holding back!!!

ERRO

So had to go to a b-day bbq at friends house last night...Someone will still have to explain to me why everything we do has to revolve around food!!! I mean why can we have a b-day baseball game or back yard football lol... anyways back to my story. I was in my friends bathroom and seen a digital scale I thought great I will try this one cause I just have a crappy old style one. I step on it to get it going wait for it to go its thing and be ready then I step on all the sudden I see "ERRO". I was modified erro what my ass is so fat you can not even read my weight. and to top it off the friends house we were at is not skinny or even slim by any means so if she can get on it I am sure it could handle my ass. I came out of the bathroom and the disgust must have been all over my face. Someone asked me what was wrong and I told them. My friend was like maybe you did something wrong dont worry about it and go try it again....WTF really I need to be humiliated by a scale twice hell no!!!

I have been feeling very "thick" these past few days and that scale did not help at all. I feel grosser than ever.

TMI Sorry

Ok sorry for this blog and I know I have not blogger long enough to ask but I really need to know something.

How many bowel movements do you have a day, week ect. I am lucky and let me capitalize LUCKY to have 3 a week if I have not used anything to give me the three. I have often wondered if I suffer from IBS or something and i have a feeling that is why my weight goes up and down so much. In doing some online research I have read it is normal to have 2-4 a DAY?? What really who is having these. I am going to try some smoothies I found online to see if that helps but I am wondering if I have done some major damage to myself with lax abuse and colon cleanser overdoses that I may never have a regular bowel movement (I would be happy with 1 a day) again. or does the lack of food I put in my body play a bigger part in this?

Again sorry for the question I just do not know how else to ask cause I really try and keep my ED a huge secret

Look forward to your answers thanks again.

Alcohol and Anna

Ok these two are not friends someone is goin to have to leave the party. I dont know why I drink sssooo much any more. I feel so gross when I do and it is probably the reason I have not lost any weight in years. I really dont eat if I know I am going out to drink but then there are times that the party just sneaks up on me and before I know it I have eat and then spent all night drinking.

I have so many mixed emotions lately I am trying to sort though them up really I just push them down or cover them with something else I feel I am going to loss it some day and my loss of control out weights my craziness. god why cant my mind take a break why to i over analyze EVERYTHING. it is exhausting!

BONES!!!

I have spent half the morning looking at thinspo and I have now decided along with my 19 inch thighs that I would give my first born son for (just kidding i love him) I want pointy sharp as razors should blades. the kind that stick out a good 3-6 inches from your back.

I can not believe summer is almost over I really let myself go this year since the lake was to flooded to go to. I usually look much better than this since I spend most of my weekend on the beach. It is very sad. I think I am going to buckle down and work hard and give myself my 19 inch thighs for christmas. for some reason my cant loss weight there they just stay the same gross 21 inches, but I do not care what i have to do i will get it done!

Angrer

I do not know why but for some reason I feel very angry today. I feel like I could just kill someone with my bare hands and do not even know if that would make me feel better. I have a great sense of sadness and loss of control. I hate it when I feel this way I hate myself for feeling this way.

So a week on my new diet pills was a wast of fucking money as usual I can not find anything that helps me loss weight. I spend so much money on these and every time I get the same result NOTHING. Sometimes I think I should just go back to using meth. I was skinny and never tired and did not have to deal with the real world I miss those day really I do.

I hope I get to feeling better cause I just hate the world right now!!!

A few pics of my life

Ok so I am posting 3 pics 2 are of the derby and one is of my real life thinspo my BFF. This pic does not do her justice she is super skinny. I love and hate her all at the same time!! I have blocked out all faces sorry life in a small judgemental town so makes me feel better.

Long time no talk

WOW sorry it has been so long since I wrote I am sure all 3 of my followers were worried lol..Just kidding I am very happy to see the number 3 it is better than 0. So let see I won 1st place in the truck derby if I can figure out how to post pics I will post a few. Last weekend was my hubbys fam reunion it was a camping trip I guess it was ok I dont really get along with alot of his family so I hung out in my camper alot. an hiked with my dog. Weight wise I am just up and down I have got to figure out something. I did buy some Aciaberry 3 pills or something like that will pick them up from the post office tonight and start taking them. I really hope they work some pills I try make me gain weight lol. I have a whole cupboard of half empty diet pill bottles very annoying.
I am off to read all of your new post and catch up.