That is my new motto, I am sure I have heard it somewhere not taking credit for making it up, but do love it. Say it to myself often. So in the spirt of my new motto I will tell you how my life has gone so far....
Picked up my son last Saturday it has been great having him back, he is not "fixed" by any means but we all have a different approach we are taking with him and so far so good. He sees his counseler this morning and hope they make a bond that will help him though this dark time and find light where it is much needed!
Oh did I tell you I bought one of those heart monitor, calorie counting watches? I freaking love this thing lol. it took a few days to get the hang of but if it is correct I am kickin ass on burning cals lol. I think it helped me find some much needed motivation also. The next session of boot camp starts next week she has been posting work outs for us though so we can stay active and did my own this morning. I am trying to stay positive even though all I want is instant gradification and to look like Milla Jovouich hahahah.
So yesterday in honor of my new motto (ok I will stop with the motto thing lol) I did something completely out of character. I sent two seeking employment letters to some youth homes near where I live. We dont have any in my county closest ones are 70 miles away. I have my fingers crossed that I get something positive back. I have been in school now for 2 years and HATE my job, well not so much my job just the douche bags I work for. I am setting up a CRP and first aid class soon I think this will help and just praying I get some type of response I really want to start working with children and their parents. I have been on both sides of the fence in my life and just want to make a difference. I am still on the road to eventually become a counselor at our local office, but know this is far out. Just want to get some experience under my belt and do something with the 20 thousand dollar it has cost me so far lol.
Headed into a 3 day weekend have tons of stuff I want to get done and all involves being active so hopfully the weather is good! It always rains on Memorial weekend where I live but today is looking pretty good!
Off to read all you lovely ladies blogs have a great weekend!!! Stay positive!
Friday, May 24, 2013
Friday, May 17, 2013
Update
So just an update on my crazy out of control life....
My son gets to come home tomorrow I will be leaving in the morning to get him (so happy). They have adjusted is meds so hopefully he can think things though better instead of just reacting. They said he have extremely low self esteem, which makes me feel even shitter, I mean how the hell does a 9 year old get servilely low self esteem?? I have always tried to no let this happen I grew up with that but I know how I got it. and he has Oppositional defiance disorder. We have some serious work ahead of us! I will make sure he has a long healthy productive life!
On to my boot camp update. the three weeks I paid for was kinda a bust between the problems with my son and then this week I got this horrible stomach flu thing that will not leave our valley. People are being hospitalized this thing is so bad!! So last night I paid another $100.00 for ten classes this summer, i could have done 20 for $200.00 but sometimes my life gets in the way lol. So last night was the fit test I am using this as my start point for next sessions. I was still pretty sick and very bloated and had drank tons of water to keep hydrated from this flu but below is my start point.
Weight 149.6
Body Fat 28.8 (She said she thought this was a lot of water and bloat lol??)
She pulled the tape measure tighter than I do for these measurements but since she will be measuring me again we sill go with it
Thigh 21
Hip 35
Waist 29
We also did some fit test exercises I wrote down the amounts I was able to do so I can see how much I hopefully am improving later. I have never been big on keeping a notebook but for this kind of money I think I am going to start. I want to write things down so I can see my progress or failures first hand.
I should probably get back to work hopefully the day goes quick so I can go get my little man tomorrow the 6 hour drive is going to kill me! happy blogging all and have a good weekend!
My son gets to come home tomorrow I will be leaving in the morning to get him (so happy). They have adjusted is meds so hopefully he can think things though better instead of just reacting. They said he have extremely low self esteem, which makes me feel even shitter, I mean how the hell does a 9 year old get servilely low self esteem?? I have always tried to no let this happen I grew up with that but I know how I got it. and he has Oppositional defiance disorder. We have some serious work ahead of us! I will make sure he has a long healthy productive life!
On to my boot camp update. the three weeks I paid for was kinda a bust between the problems with my son and then this week I got this horrible stomach flu thing that will not leave our valley. People are being hospitalized this thing is so bad!! So last night I paid another $100.00 for ten classes this summer, i could have done 20 for $200.00 but sometimes my life gets in the way lol. So last night was the fit test I am using this as my start point for next sessions. I was still pretty sick and very bloated and had drank tons of water to keep hydrated from this flu but below is my start point.
Weight 149.6
Body Fat 28.8 (She said she thought this was a lot of water and bloat lol??)
She pulled the tape measure tighter than I do for these measurements but since she will be measuring me again we sill go with it
Thigh 21
Hip 35
Waist 29
We also did some fit test exercises I wrote down the amounts I was able to do so I can see how much I hopefully am improving later. I have never been big on keeping a notebook but for this kind of money I think I am going to start. I want to write things down so I can see my progress or failures first hand.
I should probably get back to work hopefully the day goes quick so I can go get my little man tomorrow the 6 hour drive is going to kill me! happy blogging all and have a good weekend!
Thursday, May 2, 2013
WOW I suck at being a parent
This is long and I am having a pity party at the moment do not feel you have to read.
So let me give you some insight about my life right now but first we need to go back about 9 years...
As I have wrote I have twins they were my last children and it has been ruff. When my son was 9 months old he was in his walked on the porch on afternoon. His sister woke up from her name and so I told my oldest son who was 9 at the time to walk the baby I would be right back. In 5 seconds I heard an awful scream came running out and my baby was laying upside down in his walked. He had falling off our 6 inch porch. The next day he was just crying and cry and I thought his head looked a bit swollen so I took him to the hospital. He had a skull fracture from the fall. The pressure on his brain was not denting inwards so no surgery was require and the neurosurgeon said he should be fine. My son has always been the complete opposite of his twin sister. Where she is mellow he is hyper. Where she is quiet he is loud, impulsive and does not think things though. He has always sought out attention in any way he could get it where positive or negative. He has by far been my hardest child. I have spanked him way more than any other child of mine and maybe even been a bit more ruff on him, but he just pushes you to that point ALL THE TIME!! Intelligent wise he is super smart though maybe even too smart and knows how to play people. He is on medication and has been diagnosed with ADHD, depression and low self esteem . The school has been very patient which is a great help. Recently he has decided that running away is his new thrill it has escalated to the point that we have to get our local law enforcement involved because he his getting farther away from where he is suppose to be. So Tuesday he ran from school. Wednesday I had to meet with tons of people and they gave me two choices, I could either voluntarily admit my son to a mental health behavioral hospital in our state or child services how come in remove him from our home and send him there anyways. I opted to do it voluntarily this was I still have custody of him. His dad is very mad at me now. He does not think that people or maybe just our family can have mental issues. He believes a kick in the ass would solve my sons problems. But we have tried that approach along with a million others nothing is working so it is just something we have to face. I will be taking to this hospital Saturday it is an 8 hr drive and have a feeling I will have to go by myself. I can not believe my 9 year old son has to be sent away. what the fuck is my problem as a parent??/ Why the fuck would god allow me to have children that I was just going to fuck up. I am so mad at myself and if I had know that all of these mental issues my son has to endure these last years was or even could have been I would have been doing everything I could to fix this before we could get to this point. The sad thing is either he really whats to go away or just does not get it cause he is happy about it. We told him that this would happen if he kept it up and it has happened. I hope and pray that he gets the help he needs and that he wants to come home soon. My heart hurts and my faith in god is low due to all the bull shit my family and children seem to always face. So now I am at 3 children that will have been sent away from my home. And I still think I need to help others with their problems Good God I live in such a fantasy huh
So let me give you some insight about my life right now but first we need to go back about 9 years...
As I have wrote I have twins they were my last children and it has been ruff. When my son was 9 months old he was in his walked on the porch on afternoon. His sister woke up from her name and so I told my oldest son who was 9 at the time to walk the baby I would be right back. In 5 seconds I heard an awful scream came running out and my baby was laying upside down in his walked. He had falling off our 6 inch porch. The next day he was just crying and cry and I thought his head looked a bit swollen so I took him to the hospital. He had a skull fracture from the fall. The pressure on his brain was not denting inwards so no surgery was require and the neurosurgeon said he should be fine. My son has always been the complete opposite of his twin sister. Where she is mellow he is hyper. Where she is quiet he is loud, impulsive and does not think things though. He has always sought out attention in any way he could get it where positive or negative. He has by far been my hardest child. I have spanked him way more than any other child of mine and maybe even been a bit more ruff on him, but he just pushes you to that point ALL THE TIME!! Intelligent wise he is super smart though maybe even too smart and knows how to play people. He is on medication and has been diagnosed with ADHD, depression and low self esteem . The school has been very patient which is a great help. Recently he has decided that running away is his new thrill it has escalated to the point that we have to get our local law enforcement involved because he his getting farther away from where he is suppose to be. So Tuesday he ran from school. Wednesday I had to meet with tons of people and they gave me two choices, I could either voluntarily admit my son to a mental health behavioral hospital in our state or child services how come in remove him from our home and send him there anyways. I opted to do it voluntarily this was I still have custody of him. His dad is very mad at me now. He does not think that people or maybe just our family can have mental issues. He believes a kick in the ass would solve my sons problems. But we have tried that approach along with a million others nothing is working so it is just something we have to face. I will be taking to this hospital Saturday it is an 8 hr drive and have a feeling I will have to go by myself. I can not believe my 9 year old son has to be sent away. what the fuck is my problem as a parent??/ Why the fuck would god allow me to have children that I was just going to fuck up. I am so mad at myself and if I had know that all of these mental issues my son has to endure these last years was or even could have been I would have been doing everything I could to fix this before we could get to this point. The sad thing is either he really whats to go away or just does not get it cause he is happy about it. We told him that this would happen if he kept it up and it has happened. I hope and pray that he gets the help he needs and that he wants to come home soon. My heart hurts and my faith in god is low due to all the bull shit my family and children seem to always face. So now I am at 3 children that will have been sent away from my home. And I still think I need to help others with their problems Good God I live in such a fantasy huh
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