Weird Dream

Ok I am the type of person that thinks everything has a meaning or a reason so I might just be over analyze this but last night I dreamt about ANA. I had a dream she was asking me to go do things with her though my facebook. I meet her at the gym or go on a job it was so weird and the worst thing was it was on my reg. facebook. I dont have an ED one any more.

In all my years I can not ever remember dreaming about food or anything ED related other than I am skinny and hot in my dreams. God this just feels like a how new level of crazy to me or it is my own way of telling myself to stop being a slacker and kick my will power up and take action OMG I dont know I just cant stop thinking about it.

139.8!!!

Yesterday was a great day, I went hunting with my hubby and got to ride my horse when we sat to eat lunch I was a little worried but I had a sandwich, 2 cookies, and 6 pringles. Then the work began the mountain my hubby wanted to go over was very steep so we walked out horses up it,then once we got up we found there was no where to go from there cliffs and drop offs on the other side so we had to walk back down. Coming out my knee was hurting pretty bad (it always  done something is wrong with my saddle) so I walked a couple miles to stretch my knee. Once we got home I fixed dinner and only ate a little bit.
So when I woke up this morning 139.8 was the lovely number I seen on my scale!!! I am going to work hard to make sure this number does not go up only down. I have a few more sentences to wrote on my report before I turn it in and then I am thinking maybe a jog before I start my day. I am off to catch up with all of you then finish my report then thinking the jog will be nice.
Thank you all for the great comments it is so nice to read them and helps me get though my day.

I WANT

I have been thinking a lot about things I want to accomplish. Here is my list I am sure things are going to be out of order but I can't keep it all in my head any more...

First of all I would love it if at least one diet pill that I have bought would actually do what it claims!!! I spend hundreds of dollars on pills a year and never get any where.

Second I wish all the effing exercises I did would do something for my disgusting body. I work and work and work and get nothing.

Body wise I want
knobby knees
Pointy elbows
sharp as razor shoulder blades
a LARGE gap between my thighs (I am talking you could drive a Mac truck though there)
a flat defined stomach
a neck so small it looks like my head is going to snap right off my body
arms so tiny i can barely carry the gallon of milk to my car for my family
hip bones that can cut my pants if i move to fast.

WHY WHY WHY cant I get this things. I now I had small thighs once before my twins were born cause I try an fit into pants from back then and they once were baggy on me. and my twins will be 8 next month go guess what there is no excuse other than I am weak lazy and gross.

Ok now that I have gotten that out of my head i hope I can move on focus and achieve what I want.

Almost was happy

I swear I am my own worst enemy!!! I was doing to good last week. Woke up yesterday morning and was 141.6 then something snapped. I ate 2 bowls of cereal, a sandwich, 2 hand fulls of tortilla chips. and dinner so can you guess what my weight was this morning??? 143.5 that is right so all my up and down for the week was a grand total of nothing. I started the week at 144.0. So this week I am going to stay strong all the way till the end. I have decided that I am not going to buy my custom until I am at least 139 or lower and have stayed there at least 3 days. that way if I flake out on myself then I have no one to blame but my fat ass for not getting to dress up for halloween!

142.8!!!

So that is my new weight 142.8!!! I am feeling good about it today. I love seeing numbers go down. Zumba DVD is good but I need to find my remote so I can use the menu guide. had to do one part twice cause I couldnt move down that is my mission tonight. next month I think I am ordering another DVD from Zumba I really like zumba lol.

ZUMBA!!!

So my day got a little better my ZUMBA DVD came today I am sssoooo excited to go home I might just do it tonight to get the feel of it lol. Eating wise I have done pretty good had a yogurt parfait from subway and some popcorn to tide over the boredom, it has been so slow at my work lately. I am really trying to figure out how to do Jane Paynes diet and make it work for me OMG if I could see a 2.2 lbs difference in one day I would be so happy i would Pee my pants lol. Ok weighing in tomorrow morning and will write more then. Chin up girls it can only get better right???

Crap!!!

So I work with this Very immature co-worker. I am telling it is like he is one of my children some days, anyways I was reading Janes blog and needed to go to the bathroom so I just clicked her blog behind an email I was working on (you could still see the title at the top of the page) and got up want went to the bathroom. I come back and go to sit down and that freakin jack wagon was hiding under my desk!!! and to make matters worse I dont know if he clicked on her blog or anything. So I am now sitting here a little worried that he seen it and might say something about it. God I try so hard to keep this a secret. and for one to be hiding under my desk like a freaking 5 year old to scare me and they stressing all day that he seen what I was reading my OCD is going to just overwhelm me now. GOD I HATE PEOPLE SOME DAYS!!!

I just had to get that off my chest maybe it will help me cope.

Jane Pansys World.

Jane I am blocked from leaving comments on your page for some reason??? I just wanted you to know how great your pics look. I also tried to leave a comment yesterday but couldnt. Take care and hope I can comments soon. you will be tanning in no time!!!

New scale!!!

Ok I did it I bought a digital scale...really dont know if i like it but I feel better about having it. I must have weighed myself a million times since I got home yesterday lol. I also bought this hip hop exercise DVD at walmart to start getting motivated so when my new zumba tape gets here I am ready. So today is the start of my new month...well yesterday kinda since I went out of town by myself and the only thing I had yesterday was coffee, smokes, gum, and water. I did eat alittle dinner last night. Dinner is hard for me cause my kids always ask  me why I am not eating and since I have two girls that I never want to go though this I try and eat alittle in front of them every night. After all your stomach can only hurt so many times in a week before your husband thinks you should go to the doctor and see whats wrong lol.
So here is my weight on my new scale and my measurements I have really let myself go this year!
Height  5ft 8 inch
Weight 144.0
BMI 21.9
Waist 28 3/4
Thighs L 21 1/4  R 22
Hips 37
Calf L 14 3/4  R 14 1/4
Upper Arms L 10  R 10 1/4
After reading my measurements I can see that I am very oddly shaped??? I will be works hard!!
I am trying to post a pic of my weight on the scale in hopes that having to look at that number helps me stay motivated as soon as it uploads I will edit this post and post it.
I am off to read more of your post and start cleaning my house for the day stay Strong ladies and write more later!

Not hard enough

So far I have pissed this month away...Was doing pretty good till Monday night and since then it has been nothing but a jerky and popcorn binge. I have wanted to purge but have also been fighting horrible tooth ache off and on.
I have been doing alot of research on digestive systems and what not and have bought some Probiotics tablets to help aid in my digestive problems. They were much cheaper than Align or Activia.

I am waiting for my new Zumba workout DVD to get here. I went on quite a shopping spree this week. DVD. @ pairs of really cute pants (to small for me of course) and some shoes. I miss going to zumba so can not wait of my DVD.

I want you all to know that I love seeing that I have followers it really does make live better. And I want to say just cause I was not writing this week dont think I dont care about all of you, I was still reading and concerned.

Write more later.

Sept 1

Sorry I left my measurements home but I weighed 142 lbs today god aint I a winner??? So I put a weight tracker on my blog and have a goal of 12 lbs by Halloween. My girlies and I are going to be Disney princesses this year. I cant decide between Esmeralda or Jasmine but both costumes I found are very skimpy so weight loss is a  MUST!!! I am taking my kids to Kmart this weekend to finish up school shopping and I might just look into a digital scale one that gives ounces also. Does anyone have a fav brand or any other advise?

I just want to tell everyone that have posted a blog about weight loss today CONGRATS you have given me great inspiration for the beginning of the month and for all of you (like me) that do not have any weight loss to report our blog is coming just stay strong. In the lst hour I have gained 2 more followers thanks it means alot REALLY.

Will post my measurement tomorrow stay strong and talk later.