Ok sorry for my disappearance a lot has happened. The weekend of the 18th hubby and I got into a huge fight I was sleeping in different parts of the house and moved all my shit out of our room. Long story short I am a psycho jealous, insecure bitch. So we are starting to talk again and have decided to do the vegas trip by ourselves so that we can spend time together something we rarely do. I am looking forward to it. I booked the tickets today I was a little pissed cause the price has gone up about 40 dollars since we booked so late.
Weight wise I am at a loss. Last week due to all the stress of fighting and being depressed I bearly ate and guess what the scale did yep went up. I did not even weigh in on my challenge Monday cause I just could not face it. Then yesterday came the binge from hell
Half a small bag of fritos (chili cheese)
an apple
a cup of chicken noodle soup from subway
6 inch turkey on wheat from subway
2 cookies
and for dinner 2 fish sticks and fries.
I dont think I left anything out :(
So thinking I was going to punish myself and show myself the horrible damage number wise I was sure I had done yesterday I stepped on and WTF I lose a pound OMG no freakin way.
I am dead set on winning the weigh in now that my vegas trip went up in price I must stay focused an keep moving so I can burn off every nasty unneeded cal.
off to read all you lovely ladies blogs
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
Thursday, February 16, 2012
New Swim Suite
So my new swim suite for Vegas came last night I have posted pics of me in it below. sorry the one pic is very bad. I REALLY need to do some sit ups and work on my thighs alot more I have a month before I leave so maybe if I work really hard I can look better and post better pics before I go. Scale this morning said 141.6 god I will never be below 140 I swear. Not sure if I am liking kick boxing class I think I spend more time trying to figure out what the hell the lady is doing and less time burning cals it is very frustrating and I end up getting really mad at myself!!!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Been a while
Thanks for all the comments I really can not tell you guys what it means to log on here and read them. it really helps a lot!!! Hubbys and my fight blow over we never fix anything or solve any problems we just stop fighting healthy I know lol...I did activate my phone thought about blogging on it but scared my hubby will find it and freak right the hell out!!!
So whats new??? Oh yea me and my best friend are not such good friends any more thanks to her abusive lying asshole of a boyfriend. He told her a bunch of shit like me and my hubby called her a slut and a liar and we told her to bring him out to our house sober(that is impossible) and we would get to the bottom of things. Well no one showed up and she texted me that she did not know what to believe. WTF are you kiddin me I how has been her friend for years, never lied to her and would do anything for her is having to defend myself BULL SHIT!!! so really we are just in an awkward faze now. and i dont even know if she is going to vegas with us and it was her idea.
Oh sort of good news my 130's was briefly lived lol...Sunday morning I woke up and weighed in (oh and yes still weighing in every morning) and the scale said 139.6 OMG I had to do it 3 times lol...then for some fucked up reason I ate 3 yea 3 discussing sandwiches for dinner that night??? and the sad thing was I really was not hunger and the 3rd sandwich made my stomach hurt so bad throwing it up did not even help. so Monday morn I was back to 141 and skipped my weigh in. I am trying very hard to loss lots of weight this week I did miss weigh in this morning cause of the damn dog.
Not much else going on I am off to read of your lovely words and caught up more.
So whats new??? Oh yea me and my best friend are not such good friends any more thanks to her abusive lying asshole of a boyfriend. He told her a bunch of shit like me and my hubby called her a slut and a liar and we told her to bring him out to our house sober(that is impossible) and we would get to the bottom of things. Well no one showed up and she texted me that she did not know what to believe. WTF are you kiddin me I how has been her friend for years, never lied to her and would do anything for her is having to defend myself BULL SHIT!!! so really we are just in an awkward faze now. and i dont even know if she is going to vegas with us and it was her idea.
Oh sort of good news my 130's was briefly lived lol...Sunday morning I woke up and weighed in (oh and yes still weighing in every morning) and the scale said 139.6 OMG I had to do it 3 times lol...then for some fucked up reason I ate 3 yea 3 discussing sandwiches for dinner that night??? and the sad thing was I really was not hunger and the 3rd sandwich made my stomach hurt so bad throwing it up did not even help. so Monday morn I was back to 141 and skipped my weigh in. I am trying very hard to loss lots of weight this week I did miss weigh in this morning cause of the damn dog.
Not much else going on I am off to read of your lovely words and caught up more.
Thursday, February 9, 2012
Everything is up and down???
So hubby and I had a huge fight last night not even sure what started it or why it turned so ugly but I slept on the couch and will probably remain there for awhile and to make matters worse his mom and step dad will be here tomorrow. my house is trashed and I really just cant stand them. My hubby made some shit comment that he is sick of working so hard to give me the materialist life I think i need??? WTF are you serious I will admit I like things but fuck all mighty I get most my shit off ebay, clearance racks or garage sales. so now I think when my new clothes that I ordered from Venus.com (all sale items) and my smart phone (free with my upgrade) get here I will just send them back. I mean really if shit continues like this there is no fucking way I am going to spend 4 days in Vegas with that douche anyways so who needs clothes. and as far as my phone goes I have had this one for over 4 years why get a new one and pay the $20.00 per month data plan???
The only thing that is exciting is my weight I stepped on the scale this morning and it said 140.0 almost to the 130's I will be so happy that even an out of control fight will not get me down. I went to a kick boxing class last night it was pretty cool. I am stiff and just a bit sore but nothing to bad, I would probably be sorer but I kept getting loss and would have to stop and figure out what they were doing again lol.
Ok I am done bitching about my pathetic life is you read this thanks!
The only thing that is exciting is my weight I stepped on the scale this morning and it said 140.0 almost to the 130's I will be so happy that even an out of control fight will not get me down. I went to a kick boxing class last night it was pretty cool. I am stiff and just a bit sore but nothing to bad, I would probably be sorer but I kept getting loss and would have to stop and figure out what they were doing again lol.
Ok I am done bitching about my pathetic life is you read this thanks!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Thanks...You ladies are awesome
First off thanks for all the encouraging comments on my last post. Miranda was right do to the fact that no one can see you or judge you to your face it is kinda easier to let go and just let it out. Sad thing is you all know why I lost my first home I can not even bring myself to tell my husband the real reason. He is not an idiot and I am sure he knows but I have never full admitted it to him.
So yesterdays weigh in when ok I am down to 143.6 fully dressed in the afternoon. We are half way do with the challenge I just need to work a bit harder these last 4 month.
Off to read more of your blogs just wanted to tell you all thanks again!!
So yesterdays weigh in when ok I am down to 143.6 fully dressed in the afternoon. We are half way do with the challenge I just need to work a bit harder these last 4 month.
Off to read more of your blogs just wanted to tell you all thanks again!!
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Your answer LULU
Ok weight gain with pregnancy and eating...
I hate to say it but none of my children were planed I guess god does know whats best cause I doubt I would have ever plan it.
When I had my first son I got pregnant at 17. I was about 115 lbs. I was sent away to a girls home for out of control teenagers for 2 years and they feed you very gross high calorie processed government food there, and not eating is not an option if you want to get out. So about 4 months into my pregnancy I was doing ok and went in for my 5 month check up and had gained 15 lbs I cried it was awful. my next month check up I gained another 10 again hysterical and swearing I did not know how I was gaining all this weight my doctor decided to do some further test. Turned out the last part of my pregnancy I developed toxemia. By the time I had my son I weighted 181 the day before. I was so depressed and hated to look at myself by the time I had him. A month after he was born I got the ok from my doctor to start exercising I had already loss half the weight from not eating but in went the video and worked my ass off. He was born in Feb. and my May I was at around 120 and feeling great again.
When I was 19 I got addicted to Meth. So when I got pregnant with my second child, my daughter at 20 I weighted about 100-110. I am very anal about harming your baby when you are pregnant so I stopped the drug use immediately. I only gained 25 lbs with her but starting out under weight my doctor was nerves but she was fine and healthy. Of course I started using meth again after she was born so the weight just fell off.
5 years later I got pregnant with my twins. My drug use was out of control they are probably the only thing that saved me at that point. again extremely under weight and barely gaining any they were 7 weeks early. I asked my doctor if it was something i had done he said no most twins come early cause there is not enough room for them. They only had to stay a week in the hospital and after 8 years they are some of the biggest children in there classes. again I went back to using meth but after losing our house and I almost lost every thing loved I got clean. I have been clean for 5 1/2 years now. I put on 60 lbs in like 4 month due to depression detox and the fear of leaving my house. In the summer of 2007 I was very suicidal and couldnt take it any more. I switch my drug addition back to my eating additions to cope. I lost 40 lbs that summer and have fought and struggled between 130-140 since it is a yo yo of numbers everyday (cause I am a freak and weigh everyday).
I am sure this was more info than you wanted to know but I wish it was just about food for me it is so much more. Dont get me wrong I would not give my children up for the lowest BMI in the world I just wish it wouldnt effect your hips or give you stretch marks but they are worth it in the end. I love my children!!
I hate to say it but none of my children were planed I guess god does know whats best cause I doubt I would have ever plan it.
When I had my first son I got pregnant at 17. I was about 115 lbs. I was sent away to a girls home for out of control teenagers for 2 years and they feed you very gross high calorie processed government food there, and not eating is not an option if you want to get out. So about 4 months into my pregnancy I was doing ok and went in for my 5 month check up and had gained 15 lbs I cried it was awful. my next month check up I gained another 10 again hysterical and swearing I did not know how I was gaining all this weight my doctor decided to do some further test. Turned out the last part of my pregnancy I developed toxemia. By the time I had my son I weighted 181 the day before. I was so depressed and hated to look at myself by the time I had him. A month after he was born I got the ok from my doctor to start exercising I had already loss half the weight from not eating but in went the video and worked my ass off. He was born in Feb. and my May I was at around 120 and feeling great again.
When I was 19 I got addicted to Meth. So when I got pregnant with my second child, my daughter at 20 I weighted about 100-110. I am very anal about harming your baby when you are pregnant so I stopped the drug use immediately. I only gained 25 lbs with her but starting out under weight my doctor was nerves but she was fine and healthy. Of course I started using meth again after she was born so the weight just fell off.
5 years later I got pregnant with my twins. My drug use was out of control they are probably the only thing that saved me at that point. again extremely under weight and barely gaining any they were 7 weeks early. I asked my doctor if it was something i had done he said no most twins come early cause there is not enough room for them. They only had to stay a week in the hospital and after 8 years they are some of the biggest children in there classes. again I went back to using meth but after losing our house and I almost lost every thing loved I got clean. I have been clean for 5 1/2 years now. I put on 60 lbs in like 4 month due to depression detox and the fear of leaving my house. In the summer of 2007 I was very suicidal and couldnt take it any more. I switch my drug addition back to my eating additions to cope. I lost 40 lbs that summer and have fought and struggled between 130-140 since it is a yo yo of numbers everyday (cause I am a freak and weigh everyday).
I am sure this was more info than you wanted to know but I wish it was just about food for me it is so much more. Dont get me wrong I would not give my children up for the lowest BMI in the world I just wish it wouldnt effect your hips or give you stretch marks but they are worth it in the end. I love my children!!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
THANKS!!!
Thanks ladies for the great kind and very encouraging words!!! I am sorry I was having a pity party yesterday I am better today ok maybe not better but I dont feel so weighted down today. I have decided that I am not going to weigh myself everyday. I know I have said this before and it was very hard not to get on that scale this morning. I have got to stop weighing myself 20 times a day it is driving me crazy. I have my black ice monster and celery sticks. fingers crossed i make something happen. I just wanted to tell you all thanks again for reading my garbage and then leaving me kind words it really means a lot.
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