5 personal questions and the answers

So I was getting to know some of my followers and came across this post on "F A D E into Glory's blog I thought I would give it a try might help people get to know me a little better. and I am avoiding my Anthropology reading like the pledge lol

1. When did your bizarre eating behavior begin?

As far back as I can remember I have always been a big meal skipper. I remember in High School I would eat 1 yogurt for lunch and nothing else all day.


2. When did you notice it was different/ have you always known?

I am really not sure I guess around 13 years old or something. I just knew I did not want to be obese like the rest of my family so I needed to really watch what I ate vs. what they were eating.

3. Is this a choice?
I think yes and no. I say that because at 34 should I be seeking help YES!!! s I choice to live this way. and then on the other hand I feel like I have lived like this so long I dont know any other way. I cant help the way I am because it is just me.

4. Once you figured yourself out, did you do any research into eating disorders?
Yes 6 years ago I gave up meth. Gain like 40 lbs and got very depressed. I used ana sites and forums to find strength and hope. I lost 30 lbs that summer and dont feel so lost any more. When I was growing up there was no internet so you were on your own back then.

5. How much does this affect your social life & relationships in general, & in what ways?
It affect me a great deal. I have a VERY skinny friend that in my mind I am always in competition with. I will not eat in front of her EVER!!! To insure my children especially my daughters so not get these awful thought I will eat dinner with them and then most the time purge after dinner. My husband also feeds my desire to be skinny he makes fun of fat people and will even let me know if I a putting on a few pounds. sometimes it hurts my feelings but I know it also keeps me in check so deep down I am thankful for it. My social life is a little tricky to I ate girls night out. dinner, movie and drinks after OMG it is hard to not put the cals away on those nights!

Well there are some brief answers Happy Thanksgiving ladies!!!

Not much

Not much going on here. I just wanted to thank all my new followers and to let any of you know if you have any questions just ask. So After Wed. I am off till next Tuesday I can't wait I have no idea what I am going to do with 5 days off though. I am kinda bummed though no one is coming to my house for Thanksgiving and I was not invited anywhere else either so Thursday it will just be the hubby and 4 maybe 5 of our kids. it is like a regular day with turkey i guess. I bought some supper cute black skinny jeans the other day can not wait til my thighs look just right in them hopefully soon I have been doing a lot of exercises with my stabilizer ball these days hoping to do more target area moves and speed up the gap. Ok well I am off to do more work I just wanted to tell my new followers hi and thanks for reading and my old followers hi and thanks for continuing to read.

Thanks ladies

Thanks for your comments girlies. Makes me feel less crazy when people comment that even if it is in a small way they have some of the same thoughts.

Had another strange thought last night/ this morning. My hubby does not have large hands or anything so I love it when he puts his hands on top of my shoulder and it drapes down or sorry this one is TMI grabs my butt check and it doesnt mush out the end, but here is my point for a brief second I will feel skinny or tiny or fragile and then I will get on the scale and I will weight a LBS more than the last time I weighed. it drives me crazy or I will be feeling really fat and nasty and step on the scale and that is the lowest weight of the week. I think my mind plays tricks on me to try and make me crazy lol.
I dont know I am just off right now I guess.

Craxy Thigh Thoughts

Do not read unless you want to see what goes on in my crazy mind. I bit long and pointless but had to get it out. PLEASE fill free to comment and even leave your Weight, Height, and own thigh measurements if you would like too.

Ok so I have been obsessing and thinking a lot about the thigh gap lately. I have googled and read damn near everything there is to read. It will not give an exact measurement but in a few placed I read if you have narrow hips (or the pelvic bone) it is almost IMPOSSIBLE for you to have the thigh gap...This is driving me crazy because I would like to know what a narrow hip area consist of? what is the range and WHY. Also in my research I found that some guys look for the 3 diamonds not a thigh gap on a women's body to tell if they are in shape or have a nice body...the first diamond is located right under their crock in the thigh area the second is calf to knee and the third is leg to ankle. I really dont think my thighs even have a damn diamond shape maybe a very small opening if my pants are tight enough and i poke my butt out...Which brings me to my next psycho though I have been obsessing over. I have really been examining alot of thinspo pics lately and guess what if I do not put my knees together (like some pics I see) I too have a thigh gap. If I poke my butt out or bend forward a little I too have a thigh gap so now I have to completely examin how a girl is standing before I can say yep I want those thighs...also I googled measurements of average thighs that people have posted and I guess my 21 inch thighs are ok but then I think to myself at least America (I dont know about the rest of the world) is in an obese state right now so what exactly is "average".

Ok I am done babbling and if you stuck though all that crazy thinking I just vomited out onto this blog I thank you. lol

Bad Weekend

I hate the weekends I start out good then everything goes to shit!!! Yesterday I did great until 12 then I had a bowl of chili and two PB&J sandwiches. I did manage to skip dinner thou. Then today was going to be my day again was goin good with my coffee until about 10 then the kids wanted cereal so guess what I had yep a bowl with them. So I punished myself I shoveled my porches. Posted pics below it started snowing again while I was shoveling so dont look like much but it took and hour and fifteen minutes better than nothing. I am off to catch up with all you ladies hope you had a better weekend.


The back porch


The front porch

A few Thoughts and sorry TMI sometimes

I have been doing some thinking lately..I do that randomly and it really never turns out good when I do I just fill my head with more BS.

Anyways I woke up this morning with the stomach flue and I was happy. In what world is someone happy that they are in horrible pain stomach cramping and damn near shitty themselves trying to get to the bathroom (sorry I know TMI? ME I am so happy I have not had a descent bowel movement since Saturday so I am sure that effected my weight but now I feel very empty and am loving it. food does not sound even remotely good actually the thought of food right now makes me puke in my mouth a little and my stomach is growling once again. I am freakin crazy. Sick and wrong. I know normal people do not think like this cause any time any of my friends have the stomach flue they think it is the end of the world and I am jealous of them and pissed that I dont have it. Am I alone in the stomach flue department? I mean do I really have that messed up of issues that no one less has. If you feel the same please let me know I am not alone or if you have something else like this please let me know.

Also has anyone talked to Jane Payne?? I emailed her at the beginning of the week and have not gotten a reply I am getting a bit worried about her. Just let me know if anyone has heard from her, her last post was a bit shocking.

DAMN CANDY

Sweets are my downfall. I love candy, cookies, cakes if it has sugar I want it. and to make things worse there is candy everywhere I go lately. In the office, in my car, in my home, discounted at the store OMG people enough!!! So I have not weighed in since Monday morning I just cant see a higher number right now. The last two days my cal intake was to be at 500 I went over a bit Tuesday because I really wanted some mashed potatoes for dinner, but then did 50 jumping jacks and 25 squats to make up for it. yesterday I made it but only because all I ate was shitty ass candy. Today my intake is 300 cals so far gum and coffee fingers crossed I can make it till dinner tonight were I am only eating a small bowl of soup. So saturday I will take measurements and post them.

Thanks to weighless for your comment it make me smile and to Cryotaneko there was another girl how was about a foot shorter and 100 lbs heavier than me wearing my same costume saturday night I was pissed cause in the small town I live in I had to order mine and my hubbys costume and spent alot of money and really wanted to be the only queen of hearts out there. Oh well so is life right.

11-1-11 New me begins

Ok since I have no idea how to post this to the new page I started (if anyone could help that would be great lol) I will post it here. After a weekend of drinking and eating candy from my children I weighed in at 143.6 this morning gggrrr. I am allowed 500 cals today but like a dumb ass I forgot my lunch at home cause my children would not get ready this morning. I had 50 cals of mixed salad and my salad spritzer and a string cheese. Maybe today I will see what kind of soup is at the restaurant and have a small bowl. I was hoping to only eat thinks I could really track while on this ABC diet so I didnt freak out about really not knowing. My hubby is on his 7 days off shift so will post my measurements Saturday morning. My main goal is to just keep moving whether it be marching in place in my office or while watching tv at home maybe I can get a few leg lifts in at the stove cooking dinner I just think that is my best plan of action moving constantly will burn cals.

Hope you all had a great Halloween I know I did I love Halloween I know I said that before but I REALLY do lol. Off to catch up on all of your lives write more later.

Update My hubby is such a nice guy. He just called me and told me his was coming into town and would bring me my lunch stuff I set out I am so happy now lol.