WOW I suck at being a parent

This is long and I am having a pity party at the moment do not feel you have to read. 

So let me give you some insight about my life right now but first we need to go back about 9 years...
As I have wrote I have twins they were my last children and it has been ruff. When my son was 9 months old he was in his walked on the porch on afternoon. His sister woke up from her name and so I told my oldest son who was 9 at the time to walk the baby I would be right back. In 5 seconds I heard an awful scream came running out and my baby was laying upside down in his walked. He had falling off our 6 inch porch. The next day he was just crying and cry and I thought his head looked a bit swollen so I took him to the hospital. He had a skull fracture from the fall. The pressure on his brain was not denting inwards so no surgery was require and the neurosurgeon said he should be fine. My son has always been the complete opposite of his twin sister. Where she is mellow he is hyper. Where she is quiet he is loud, impulsive and does not think things though. He has always sought out attention in any way he could get it where positive or negative. He has by far been my hardest child. I have spanked him way more than any other child of mine and maybe even been a bit more ruff on him, but he just pushes you to that point ALL THE TIME!! Intelligent wise he is super smart though maybe even too smart and knows how to play people. He is on medication and has been diagnosed with ADHD, depression  and low self esteem . The school has been very patient which is a great help. Recently he has decided that running away is his new thrill it has escalated to the point that we have to get our local law enforcement involved because he his getting farther away from where he is suppose to be. So Tuesday he ran from school. Wednesday I had to meet with tons of people and they gave me two choices, I could either voluntarily admit my son to a mental health behavioral hospital in our state or child services how come in remove him from our home and send him there anyways. I opted to do it voluntarily this was I still have custody of him. His dad is very mad at me now. He does not think that people or maybe just our family can have mental issues. He believes a kick in the ass would solve my sons problems. But we have tried that approach along with a million others nothing is working so it is just something we have to face. I will be taking to this hospital Saturday it is an 8 hr drive and have a feeling I will have to go by myself. I can not believe my 9 year old son has to be sent away. what the fuck is my problem as a parent??/ Why the fuck would god allow me to have children that I was just going to fuck up. I am so mad at myself and if I had know that all of these mental issues my son has to endure these last years was or even could have been I would have been doing everything I could to fix this before we could get to this point. The sad thing is either he really whats to go away or just does not get it cause he is happy about it. We told him that this would happen if he kept it up and it has happened. I hope and pray that he gets the help he needs and that he wants to come home soon. My heart hurts and my faith in god is low due to all the bull shit my family and children seem to always face. So now I am at 3 children that will have been sent away from my home. And I still think I need to help others with their problems Good God I live in such a fantasy huh