So for some reason today I felt like I was starving and needing tons of nicotine??? IDK. I tried to fight it. Had an apple, a string cheese and an otter pop but still the urge to just eat like there was no tomorrow was over whelming so I gave in. At lunch I jumped into my truck and hauled ass to Maverik. While there I bought the following items
1 Bahama Mama (this is a very large hot dog
Bun
Mayo/Ketchup
Sauerkraut
Relish
1 Large sugar cookie with pink frosting
1 Large Cranberry and Walnut cookie
1 King size peanut butter twix
1 King size bag of peanut butter M&M
1 Snack size bag of chili cheese Fritos.
1 Bottle of water
Grand total $11.84
I drove to the park up the street and started my eating fest I got the hot dog down and started feeling full, pushed though to the sugar cookie and that was it had to call it good. rushed back to work and headed straight for the bathroom. I am sure we all know what happened next. So clocked back in started working. Then later the crap that I still had left from the store was calling my name so I then had the cranberry walnut cookie and the king size twix. and then again headed to the bathroom. I am glad I did not polish all that food off at once but then again I hate myself for giving in to the binge to begin with. I remember 10 years ago this would not have even crossed my mind. When I was a drug addict I was so cheap when it came to buying anything but drugs I would have never spent that money on a binge. I hate that I use MIA as a back up plan also. I have got to break this cycle of eating and purging eating and purging. I can't even call it a binge really cause I dont eat that much in one sitting.
I suck and cant wait to see what the scale says tomorrow.
I was there like hmmmm 2 maybe 3 days ago. Omg I love peanut better twix. I always buy the king size. I use to buy 10 at once and hide in my nightstand. Then I would eat one a day sometimes two. I have managed not to have one in about month. Oh yeah this is triggering.
ReplyDeleteI hope tomorrow is better for you. I say just pick up the pieces. I may be hard but I am sure you will be back on track soon.
I went through a stage of spending my money only on drugs, but for the most part, I looked after myself in all other ways, whilst on them.. until the ED took over more..
ReplyDeleteCan I ask what drugs you were on? Might be able to relate, ya know.
I'm glad you didn't eat all the food at once, that shows some restraint and I hope the scale is your friend tomorrow x
Why were you deleted from FB? =/ *curious*
ReplyDelete