What eating issues???

Sorry I have not wrote in awhile I am and emotional and mental wreck right now.

Lets see where to start on lets just get this bull shit weigh in challenge out of the way. I think I should just drop out I mean I am weak I have no will power and frankly just destined to be fat for the rest of my days. Weighed in two weeks ago at 145.6 and guess what my fat ass weighed today yep 145.6. I have no one to blame but myself. My sister took 3 of my children this week so all I did was sit at my house and eat chips and drink beer if I was not at work. all i keep thinking is ED my ass.

So this weekend we are having a fam get together cook out thing. My mom will be there. My mom had me at 15 so we really have more of a sister sister relationship rather than a mother daughter one oh and did i mention she is a raging alcoholic. So the more she drinks the more she tries to convince everyone she was a great mother and our childhood was perfect. It just pisses me off because HELLO we were all there sober I think I would remember how it went. I go have to say I am very relieved to hear that my cousin that I HATE will not be coming tomorrow. I hate to be that way but let me give you some insight on her. She has been bulimic for years even went to treatment when we were teenagers. I was baffled by this because she was fat and here I was eating like one yogurt a week weighing maybe 100 lbs and no one cared to help me. anyways after she came back I guess everyone figured she was cured. So when we have this family things she will load tons for food on her plate while I am doing everything I can to not get noticed that I just am not eating and then she runs to the bathroom and spends like 15 minutes in there while my aunt and grandma are still hounding me about what I did not eat. i just want to tell them look people get off my ass if you want to save someone go save the bitch that is throwing up in the bathroom. (sorry if I just offended anyone that was not my intention)
To make matters worse I also have in laws this weekend. I can not stand my father in law he is so immature he acts like he is 5 and thinks he needs to be the center of attention so he acts like a fucking jack ass to get it. hello dip shit no one thinks your funny!! I am going to sit in embarrassment when he is around my family because my grandpa hates people like that.
The hubby and I can not even be in the same room with each other without plotting each others death right now. I really have no idea why either it is awful and I hate it but have no idea how to stop it. my depression has been sky high is last week also so maybe that is why I want to kill him and bury im in the back yard lol (that is marriage humor promise you will not see me on snapped hahaha)
Oh and let me tell you what my OBESE not even joking boss said to me today...He asked we where I was going for lunch (his wife is gone and she usually gets his lunch for him)I told him to the coffee shop like always. He said so you are just going to have coffee and bs with your friends I said yea. Then he said well that must be why you always come back from lunch and eat all afternoon...WTF are you kiddin me. IF IF i eat it is like a small bag of chips from the vending machine or this week I bought a bag of sunflower seeds and have snacked on them. It is not like a bust out a 8 course meal at three o clock and eat it at my desk. Fuck his fat ass!!!
I really should start writing more often so you guys do not have to read an 8 page rant sorry. If you have stuck with this there is 2 hours of your life you will never get back lol and thanks for sticking with it. so I am off to finish writing my 3 page paper about assisted suicide right or wrong for school. only a page to good YEAH ME!!!
take care and I will probably write again sunday and let you all know if I survived this hellish weekend!!!