Sorry this might be very triggering read with coution.
I am completely embarrassed with myself right now. I was going to go to the store for some rice cakes and maybe a small plate of fruit or veggies for lunch. And for some reason I bought sweet and sour pork and 2 egg rolls, a LARGE brownie from the bakery, a bag of rice cakes, and have managed to eat it all and then throw it all up. I hate when I do this. I cant stand to have the food in my stomach it reminds me how truly week I am. Now my throat and stomach hurt so bad and I just want to go home. When I get home I will be taking 3 colon cleaning tablets to help with the major fuck up I did today good god I am discussing!! I was not even rally hungry so I have no idea why I thought I needed to do this. I hate that once I start eating I cant stop sometimes. :(
I wanted to share this with you all. I am still researching EDNOS fact or fiction. Sometimes I just dont get it but the What Not to Say to Someone with an ED is pretty good.
http://christianelaird.hubpages.com/hub/What-NOT-to-Say-to-Someone-with-an-Eating-Disorder
Tuesday, January 29, 2013
Where does the time go??
I come here all the time prepared to give an update let poeple know what is going on, but I always want to check in with you guys first and end up posting and getting side tracked my my update never happens lol.
So quiting smiking is not a complete success yet up I have to say I feel like I am doing pretty good. It is really hard cause hubby still smokes and then lets not forget that I also like to drink and what is a beer with out a ciggerett that is like hamburger without fries lol. Uh what else. Oh yea my step son is off to prison for 3 years because he slept with a girl that was 16 yr and 9 months old. In the state I am from 17 is age of concent. She told a bunch of lies also about being abused and stuff. Grandparents are doing better I am so happy about that cause I love them so much!!
I think I might be buying an elipitcal tomorrow night, people make me laugh I ran into the guy that is selling it yesterday on my way to work and was setting up a time to head over to his house, he looked at me and said why the hell do you need an eliptiacl look at yea...I kinda chuckled but thought to myself you think this comes easy. Hell no!!! I skip meals get up at 4:30 am to get a work out in decide is it will be beer or food for dinner. I mean people just do not have a clue. I realize 90% of people buy something like that and it just sits there as their ass gets fatter but I am cheap and if I am going to spend $250.00 on something that bitch will be wore out in no time lol.
I am really pissed that I can not file my taxes till the 15th due to that stupid collage tax credit thing I mean are you freaking kiddin me it is my money give it back. Our government is really starting to scare the shit out of me!! They will think when I go into the HR office and claim 9 on my w-4 form and they get no taxes any more then I just stop filing lol. No I am kiddin I would never dare do that cause you can bet the IRS would be knocking at my door in no time!! Ok I am off to do some work cause I just realized that the end of the month is in 2 days and since I am in account that is bad. Hope you all are doing good and talk later.
So quiting smiking is not a complete success yet up I have to say I feel like I am doing pretty good. It is really hard cause hubby still smokes and then lets not forget that I also like to drink and what is a beer with out a ciggerett that is like hamburger without fries lol. Uh what else. Oh yea my step son is off to prison for 3 years because he slept with a girl that was 16 yr and 9 months old. In the state I am from 17 is age of concent. She told a bunch of lies also about being abused and stuff. Grandparents are doing better I am so happy about that cause I love them so much!!
I think I might be buying an elipitcal tomorrow night, people make me laugh I ran into the guy that is selling it yesterday on my way to work and was setting up a time to head over to his house, he looked at me and said why the hell do you need an eliptiacl look at yea...I kinda chuckled but thought to myself you think this comes easy. Hell no!!! I skip meals get up at 4:30 am to get a work out in decide is it will be beer or food for dinner. I mean people just do not have a clue. I realize 90% of people buy something like that and it just sits there as their ass gets fatter but I am cheap and if I am going to spend $250.00 on something that bitch will be wore out in no time lol.
I am really pissed that I can not file my taxes till the 15th due to that stupid collage tax credit thing I mean are you freaking kiddin me it is my money give it back. Our government is really starting to scare the shit out of me!! They will think when I go into the HR office and claim 9 on my w-4 form and they get no taxes any more then I just stop filing lol. No I am kiddin I would never dare do that cause you can bet the IRS would be knocking at my door in no time!! Ok I am off to do some work cause I just realized that the end of the month is in 2 days and since I am in account that is bad. Hope you all are doing good and talk later.
Monday, January 7, 2013
Oh Monday????
So I did not get my measurements taken because friday night I ended up calling an ambulance for my grandpa because he was in so much pain I could not get him to the car. His pneumonia has came gave and is damaging his lung. I am now trying to quit smoking, in 40 years I do not want that to be me. I have been using my e-cig and hope to wing myself off that soon. I think I have done pretty good. I always use the excuse I dont want to gain weight but really I know many people that have quit and did not gain much weigh after so that is going to be me :)
WinterA I look forward to your guys comments do ever thing you have over stepped a line. I do not know what my daughters problem is except she wants to be a grown up. she is the middle child and sees what her brothers (almost 18 and almost 22) do and I guess she figures that at 14 she can do it to and we fight. She does play her dad and I which causes tension between us. Sometimes I think she wants us to leave each other so she can live with him and then lord knows what will happen to her. She also has friends without a lot of parental supervision and she thinks I should be more like them.
Everyone else thanks for the concern about my grandparents it is nice to hear. We are working though it. Since I admitted him friday night he is doing much better and hopefully is seeing that if he does not take care for himself he will be suck in there forever.
Not much else to write about, it is starting to warm up on -5 this morning so here hoping for better weather lol. so I am going to go catch up on blogs take care ladies and talk later.
WinterA I look forward to your guys comments do ever thing you have over stepped a line. I do not know what my daughters problem is except she wants to be a grown up. she is the middle child and sees what her brothers (almost 18 and almost 22) do and I guess she figures that at 14 she can do it to and we fight. She does play her dad and I which causes tension between us. Sometimes I think she wants us to leave each other so she can live with him and then lord knows what will happen to her. She also has friends without a lot of parental supervision and she thinks I should be more like them.
Everyone else thanks for the concern about my grandparents it is nice to hear. We are working though it. Since I admitted him friday night he is doing much better and hopefully is seeing that if he does not take care for himself he will be suck in there forever.
Not much else to write about, it is starting to warm up on -5 this morning so here hoping for better weather lol. so I am going to go catch up on blogs take care ladies and talk later.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Just a Quicky
Ok so I have paid my $20.00 and weighed in 146.8. Ok I have to admit I cheated a little lol. Nothing serious I just wore really heavy clothes today and at like a cow most the morning. I just want to see some progress. Oh and I forgot to bitch about how incredibly cold it has been here. it has not been above -14 in the mornings for a week and right now at 2:00 pm our high is 10 yea 10 freakin degrees got to love livin in the Rockeys lol
Day 4 of 2013
Well my year is starting off with a bang. My grandma had surgery on her elbow the friday before christmas. It got staph infection in it. our hospital was trying to get it under control but they couldnt so they shipped her to another hospital out of town. This is great for her but bad for my grandpa. Like I said before he is just not the same since his car accident and some times I wonder where he went. It is so hard to see him like this. The man that I have looked up to. taught me to ride a bike, work hard drive and walked me down the isle is now reverting back to a two year old all from a freakin bump on the head. Come on it is bad enough my real dad was taken from me at 2 now the only man I have ever loved is mentally leaving me too??? I realize that he is 75 and this day was coming and soon I will not have him at all but seeing him leave us like this is just heart breaking.Since my grandma has been gone my aunt and I have been pulling double time checking on him. This morning I just wanted to cry. I walked in and he was just sitting on the couch. No oxygen on with we continual bitch at him about. he had every light and TV on. I went to his room to get his oxygen and could here a funny noise he had the heater turned up to 80 and my grandmas hair dryer full blast laying on the floor??? What is going though his mind? god I wish I could help him he looks so lost and alone where ever he is. We have also learned from his home health care nurse that some of his meds are not suppose to be mixed with other meds that he has been given yep we are getting that figured out right damn fast. my aunt is taking him in today. I will be taking him up to see my grandma tomorrow I hope that helps both of them.
Ok so now that I am done whining about things I can not change lets move on to my weight another thing I can not change lol. The salon I go to is having another beginning of the year weight loss challenge. I will go weigh in on my lunch break this year I will work much much harder than I did last year. I am also getting this juice stuff from bolthouse and that will be most of my calorie intake for the next 12 weeks. I will let you know what I weighed and I think I am going to take my 2013 measurements tomorrow, hubby has been home since the first of the year so I have not had time to do it. Hope things are going well with all of you. nice to see some of you are back loved reading update post. Take care and lots of love all.
Ok so now that I am done whining about things I can not change lets move on to my weight another thing I can not change lol. The salon I go to is having another beginning of the year weight loss challenge. I will go weigh in on my lunch break this year I will work much much harder than I did last year. I am also getting this juice stuff from bolthouse and that will be most of my calorie intake for the next 12 weeks. I will let you know what I weighed and I think I am going to take my 2013 measurements tomorrow, hubby has been home since the first of the year so I have not had time to do it. Hope things are going well with all of you. nice to see some of you are back loved reading update post. Take care and lots of love all.
Friday, December 28, 2012
Late merry christmas and early happy new year
I was going to try really hard to post more often well guess i screwed that up uh? Well I am here today. So christmas...well other than I HATE I MEAN HATE holidays I guess it was not too bad other than douche bag farther in laws normal shit. god I hate that man!!! So I have been working hard to try and get all my work and office ready for the new year. I hate doing that also so time consuming.
I have to say I am an awful mom and person in general. last month my sons doctor changed his addrell prescription and it did not go well so I called her and told her I needed the old stuff again. I was sitting there one day and though I should try these. Everyone says they are great for controlling your appetite and guess what they are. so I have one more day left on his wrong prescription and am seriously considering snagging one from his other bottle once in awhile OMG really I am thinking about stealing my sons meds so I can loss more weight jesus freakin christ I am a loser.
I have thought a lot about the counseling thing still and I might just try and lie my way to a cheaper appointment. I have to go something I cant go another year like this it is very damaging to everyone not just myself. I mean I am not sure what the legal side effects to doing this might be but I guess I will cross that brigde when I get there. So in a few weeks I will go get the paperwork I need.
Alrighty well I am off to do more work a 3 day week is so hard to make sure you get everything done. I will try and write again soon but I am not going to write promise lol. Happy Holidays all and hope you all ring in the new year like rock stars!!!
I have to say I am an awful mom and person in general. last month my sons doctor changed his addrell prescription and it did not go well so I called her and told her I needed the old stuff again. I was sitting there one day and though I should try these. Everyone says they are great for controlling your appetite and guess what they are. so I have one more day left on his wrong prescription and am seriously considering snagging one from his other bottle once in awhile OMG really I am thinking about stealing my sons meds so I can loss more weight jesus freakin christ I am a loser.
I have thought a lot about the counseling thing still and I might just try and lie my way to a cheaper appointment. I have to go something I cant go another year like this it is very damaging to everyone not just myself. I mean I am not sure what the legal side effects to doing this might be but I guess I will cross that brigde when I get there. So in a few weeks I will go get the paperwork I need.
Alrighty well I am off to do more work a 3 day week is so hard to make sure you get everything done. I will try and write again soon but I am not going to write promise lol. Happy Holidays all and hope you all ring in the new year like rock stars!!!
Friday, December 14, 2012
Thanks
Thanks for the kind comments and the great welcome back. It is really good to know there are people in the world that miss you when you are gone and care when you come back. It is funny it is what everyone strives and longs for but it seems to only happen in internet land. I wounder why that is. Are we so busy with our day to day real world lives and we take the fact that if we can see someone they that is enough recognition for them for granted? I think I am going to work on that more. I am going to say I to people even if I see them more than once a day.and maybe even make a good comment or two to them.
So yesterday after I got done writing my post I was sitting at my desk doing some thinking. I was wishing that I was just not so sad all the time. I was wondering why I have become this sad. Nothing major has really happened. I mean lots of stuff in the last few months yea, but I was sad before then and maybe if I wasnt so sad I would have not spiraled out of control so much. So I deiced that instead of wishing and thinking that I would actually take action. I thought I would call our local counselors office and see how much counseling is. I thought that I would pay for a few months up front so that I would not back out on going or just stop doing if it got to bad. I have a habit of doing things like that. So I called the office and asked how much is a counseling session if you do not have insurance, because I do not? The lady on the other end said well we do off of income in you have no insurance, but you will need your whole households income. OK here is were I always get screwed. legally me and the man I refer to on here as "hubby" are not married. I can not get any benefits like insurance or stuff like that but I have to claim him on everything I do??? We own property together ect. So again I asked the lady after hearing this news, so what is the max you charge. She said $120.00 I said $120.00 really she said yes an hour. So here is why I am mad. More than likely I will get charged the max or really close to it because I have to claim hubbies income also can get on his insurance and frankly with the price of everything under the sun going up I do not have an extra $480.00 just lying around a month, so it looks like help is out of the question. and dont get me wrong I dont want something for nothing I just think that if on one hand I have to claim everything about him then I should get insurance and stuff. It is so frustrating I want help I want to get better I want to be happy but again if I try to do something good some evil fores tares me down. I really just want to walk in that office and ask them what the hell is costing so much. I mean you sit in a chair looking at someone for 50-60 mins suggesting different options of life to them right? I mean at least went you go to the dentist and get raped by charges you walk out of there with really good drugs and been on laughing gas the whole time. God why me!!!
So yesterday after I got done writing my post I was sitting at my desk doing some thinking. I was wishing that I was just not so sad all the time. I was wondering why I have become this sad. Nothing major has really happened. I mean lots of stuff in the last few months yea, but I was sad before then and maybe if I wasnt so sad I would have not spiraled out of control so much. So I deiced that instead of wishing and thinking that I would actually take action. I thought I would call our local counselors office and see how much counseling is. I thought that I would pay for a few months up front so that I would not back out on going or just stop doing if it got to bad. I have a habit of doing things like that. So I called the office and asked how much is a counseling session if you do not have insurance, because I do not? The lady on the other end said well we do off of income in you have no insurance, but you will need your whole households income. OK here is were I always get screwed. legally me and the man I refer to on here as "hubby" are not married. I can not get any benefits like insurance or stuff like that but I have to claim him on everything I do??? We own property together ect. So again I asked the lady after hearing this news, so what is the max you charge. She said $120.00 I said $120.00 really she said yes an hour. So here is why I am mad. More than likely I will get charged the max or really close to it because I have to claim hubbies income also can get on his insurance and frankly with the price of everything under the sun going up I do not have an extra $480.00 just lying around a month, so it looks like help is out of the question. and dont get me wrong I dont want something for nothing I just think that if on one hand I have to claim everything about him then I should get insurance and stuff. It is so frustrating I want help I want to get better I want to be happy but again if I try to do something good some evil fores tares me down. I really just want to walk in that office and ask them what the hell is costing so much. I mean you sit in a chair looking at someone for 50-60 mins suggesting different options of life to them right? I mean at least went you go to the dentist and get raped by charges you walk out of there with really good drugs and been on laughing gas the whole time. God why me!!!
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