Weird Dream

Ok I am the type of person that thinks everything has a meaning or a reason so I might just be over analyze this but last night I dreamt about ANA. I had a dream she was asking me to go do things with her though my facebook. I meet her at the gym or go on a job it was so weird and the worst thing was it was on my reg. facebook. I dont have an ED one any more.

In all my years I can not ever remember dreaming about food or anything ED related other than I am skinny and hot in my dreams. God this just feels like a how new level of crazy to me or it is my own way of telling myself to stop being a slacker and kick my will power up and take action OMG I dont know I just cant stop thinking about it.

139.8!!!

Yesterday was a great day, I went hunting with my hubby and got to ride my horse when we sat to eat lunch I was a little worried but I had a sandwich, 2 cookies, and 6 pringles. Then the work began the mountain my hubby wanted to go over was very steep so we walked out horses up it,then once we got up we found there was no where to go from there cliffs and drop offs on the other side so we had to walk back down. Coming out my knee was hurting pretty bad (it always  done something is wrong with my saddle) so I walked a couple miles to stretch my knee. Once we got home I fixed dinner and only ate a little bit.
So when I woke up this morning 139.8 was the lovely number I seen on my scale!!! I am going to work hard to make sure this number does not go up only down. I have a few more sentences to wrote on my report before I turn it in and then I am thinking maybe a jog before I start my day. I am off to catch up with all of you then finish my report then thinking the jog will be nice.
Thank you all for the great comments it is so nice to read them and helps me get though my day.

I WANT

I have been thinking a lot about things I want to accomplish. Here is my list I am sure things are going to be out of order but I can't keep it all in my head any more...

First of all I would love it if at least one diet pill that I have bought would actually do what it claims!!! I spend hundreds of dollars on pills a year and never get any where.

Second I wish all the effing exercises I did would do something for my disgusting body. I work and work and work and get nothing.

Body wise I want
knobby knees
Pointy elbows
sharp as razor shoulder blades
a LARGE gap between my thighs (I am talking you could drive a Mac truck though there)
a flat defined stomach
a neck so small it looks like my head is going to snap right off my body
arms so tiny i can barely carry the gallon of milk to my car for my family
hip bones that can cut my pants if i move to fast.

WHY WHY WHY cant I get this things. I now I had small thighs once before my twins were born cause I try an fit into pants from back then and they once were baggy on me. and my twins will be 8 next month go guess what there is no excuse other than I am weak lazy and gross.

Ok now that I have gotten that out of my head i hope I can move on focus and achieve what I want.

Almost was happy

I swear I am my own worst enemy!!! I was doing to good last week. Woke up yesterday morning and was 141.6 then something snapped. I ate 2 bowls of cereal, a sandwich, 2 hand fulls of tortilla chips. and dinner so can you guess what my weight was this morning??? 143.5 that is right so all my up and down for the week was a grand total of nothing. I started the week at 144.0. So this week I am going to stay strong all the way till the end. I have decided that I am not going to buy my custom until I am at least 139 or lower and have stayed there at least 3 days. that way if I flake out on myself then I have no one to blame but my fat ass for not getting to dress up for halloween!

142.8!!!

So that is my new weight 142.8!!! I am feeling good about it today. I love seeing numbers go down. Zumba DVD is good but I need to find my remote so I can use the menu guide. had to do one part twice cause I couldnt move down that is my mission tonight. next month I think I am ordering another DVD from Zumba I really like zumba lol.

ZUMBA!!!

So my day got a little better my ZUMBA DVD came today I am sssoooo excited to go home I might just do it tonight to get the feel of it lol. Eating wise I have done pretty good had a yogurt parfait from subway and some popcorn to tide over the boredom, it has been so slow at my work lately. I am really trying to figure out how to do Jane Paynes diet and make it work for me OMG if I could see a 2.2 lbs difference in one day I would be so happy i would Pee my pants lol. Ok weighing in tomorrow morning and will write more then. Chin up girls it can only get better right???

Crap!!!

So I work with this Very immature co-worker. I am telling it is like he is one of my children some days, anyways I was reading Janes blog and needed to go to the bathroom so I just clicked her blog behind an email I was working on (you could still see the title at the top of the page) and got up want went to the bathroom. I come back and go to sit down and that freakin jack wagon was hiding under my desk!!! and to make matters worse I dont know if he clicked on her blog or anything. So I am now sitting here a little worried that he seen it and might say something about it. God I try so hard to keep this a secret. and for one to be hiding under my desk like a freaking 5 year old to scare me and they stressing all day that he seen what I was reading my OCD is going to just overwhelm me now. GOD I HATE PEOPLE SOME DAYS!!!

I just had to get that off my chest maybe it will help me cope.