I hate change

Well it happened to me also...Blogger decided to change my layout too. My do companies do this why cant they just leave shit alone. I mean if they took a survey I think they would realize people HATE change!!! My moods really have not changed I can feel myself slipping further and further from the world. I go though phases like this one minute I am the social butterfly of the town and the next minute I just want to be left alone and not have anything to do with anyone. I am trying to not let myself go there but it is an exhausting emotional battle. Thank you guys for your comments. As for talking to someone no I have no one that would understand and I dont want to tell the people I know about this they will think I am crazy. I have no insurance so a consoler or someone like that is out of the question. I just have been taking long hot baths and crying to myself. I really dont know if that is working or not. Weight wise I have no idea what is going on. I swear my body just hates me and I think I will have to learn to live with that. My new love is tumble. I do not have an account up you can spend hours looking at other peoples post and pics. I have been doing this for 3 days now instead of working I hope I dont get caught lol. I wish my wraps for my thighs would get here it is the only thing keeping me going right now. I am warping my thighs in hopes to tone and firm them. The wraps are called itworks. you can google them at https://38732.myitworks.com I will let you know if they work when I get mine. I really have nothing else so off to read more of your blogs!!

same old shit

I do not know what to do. I can not shake this depressed mood I have been in for awhile. I have no interest in doing anything. I am easily aggravated and that is not working well for my hubby and I. I hate everything and anything and I am to the point I just want to start walking I dont care where I end up I just want to walk myself away from here. I feel very tired lately and almost sick like all the time. I hate feeling like this especially when I cant pin point what the hell is even wrong. I have nothing else to say cause it is just exhausting writing this.
I have a quick question...I think someone blocked me from viewing their blog. It still shows on my page but when I click on it it tells me I do not have permission to view. How do I unfollow her I did not do anything that I know of so dont know what is going on.

If life was any better I would wish I was died.

I am a bottomless pit of emotions right now. I have no idea what is wrong with me. I hate everything and anything. If I could just stay in bed or a hot bath I would. I hate that I am to poor to deal with my depression. I cant afford meds and I cant just sleep it away either. so then I get mean and moody. hateful and full of resentment. RSVP a spot at a pity party for one.

I hate hate hate the hospital. They are garnishing my wages which means 25% of what I make will be going to them for 3 months. Now dont get me wrong I know I have to pay my bill but fuck I didnt pay them for 2 months so that I could pay other bills that I had neglected then I send them my payment for april and 2 days later I get garnishment papers are you fucking kidding me. gggrrr To top it off I will get a huge lecture from my better than thou boss how married into money and does not have to worry about it. I mean shit she bought a lexus and had it paid off in two years. god i am sick of life. i am stick of everything. I work hard and work honestly and this is how i am repaid. frankly i think if a fucking hospital visit was not $500.00 a trip people would not have such a hard time paying them. and it is not like a run to the docs all the time. I even go as far as super gluing my childrens cuts closed first before i take them in. I mean really I have to resort to super glue??? god I am just in such a shitty mood now and do not even want to hear it from my fucking boss.

Morning

I all so after reading Mirandas post I got to thinking about my carb intake and even though I keep my cals low I never put much thought into the carbs, sugar, soduim ect. so logged back into myfitnesspal account and am going to do some tracking for a few days. Good God the creamer in my coffee just kills me. I will need to find something better or lower! About the pic of the shoes. It wouldnt load right. I have been tracking them and they should be here by the 20th. That gives me till the 23rd to get into this pants I have never gotten to wear. Not the ones I was talking about, but another pair I bought last year with the intentions of wearing but apparently a 7 in wet seal brand is not the same as hollister. I will take a pic of the new boots when I can fit into at least one of my "when I am skinny" jeans! So weighing in tomorrow hope I see a good number and can stay there or of course get lower!!

Respond to comments...
Kitty...thanks so much for writing all the time puts a smile on my face. I can not even begin to describe how completely fucked up my family is. I do not know how me, my sis, and one of my bros made it out so normal lol Well we all have our issues but at least we are not all sitting in prison like my other bro. My cousins are all living lies also and then my hubbies family makes my look good hahaha. My kids dont stand a chance lol
Miranda...I just love ya I can relate so much to things you write and you inspire me to work harder I think well hell if she can do it in her 30's then so can I lol
Sunshinechild...LOVE LOVE LOVE the site you posted spent have the morning in there reading and plotting my new attach on my thunder thighs lol
Girl with secret...I know that measurement wise I am holding my own with my friends it just kills me when they say how much they weigh and here I am two ton tina 10 or more lbs higher.

New shoes

I have been stalking these boot for months praying to the shoe gods that they will just get one more pair in for me and today I got some!!! I plan on wearing shorty shorts with them and I bought a really cute pair of destroyer jeans (to small of course) to wear with them so now that they are on their way I need to get my ass in gear and loss these thunder thighs I have!!! I need to buck it up and exercise I dont care if the only time i can find to do it is 10 at night it has got to be done now!! I will post a pic of them below I am sssoooo excited to get them!

Why

Just cause I am the tallest friend in our group why does that mean I also have to be the fattest??? good I make myself sick when I am with my friends!!

Sorry just had to get that random thought out of my head!

It is monday gggrrr

I hate how every monday work comes and interrupts my great weekend god why couldnt I have been born rich instead of so damn good looking lol

This weekend was ok spent saturday cookin dutchoven chicken I have taken that over the last couple years it gets me out of eating and my grandma does not hound me so bad about it. hubby and I are still on...the only word I can think of is weird terms. My sister said she has heard of what we are goin though a lot. The women tries and tries for so many years finally the man is on that level the the women just doesnt care any more and gives up. that sounds about like us but I know I am not really to completely give up just feels like I have tried for so long I just go with it now.

Yesterday was good. I set up my childrens new trampoline, raked the front and back yard and sat in the sun it was great.

Weight wise I lost everything I gained last week. maybe it was all the sunflower seeds I ate last week.

I will write more later.