First off thanks for all the encouraging comments on my last post. Miranda was right do to the fact that no one can see you or judge you to your face it is kinda easier to let go and just let it out. Sad thing is you all know why I lost my first home I can not even bring myself to tell my husband the real reason. He is not an idiot and I am sure he knows but I have never full admitted it to him.
So yesterdays weigh in when ok I am down to 143.6 fully dressed in the afternoon. We are half way do with the challenge I just need to work a bit harder these last 4 month.
Off to read more of your blogs just wanted to tell you all thanks again!!
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Your answer LULU
Ok weight gain with pregnancy and eating...
I hate to say it but none of my children were planed I guess god does know whats best cause I doubt I would have ever plan it.
When I had my first son I got pregnant at 17. I was about 115 lbs. I was sent away to a girls home for out of control teenagers for 2 years and they feed you very gross high calorie processed government food there, and not eating is not an option if you want to get out. So about 4 months into my pregnancy I was doing ok and went in for my 5 month check up and had gained 15 lbs I cried it was awful. my next month check up I gained another 10 again hysterical and swearing I did not know how I was gaining all this weight my doctor decided to do some further test. Turned out the last part of my pregnancy I developed toxemia. By the time I had my son I weighted 181 the day before. I was so depressed and hated to look at myself by the time I had him. A month after he was born I got the ok from my doctor to start exercising I had already loss half the weight from not eating but in went the video and worked my ass off. He was born in Feb. and my May I was at around 120 and feeling great again.
When I was 19 I got addicted to Meth. So when I got pregnant with my second child, my daughter at 20 I weighted about 100-110. I am very anal about harming your baby when you are pregnant so I stopped the drug use immediately. I only gained 25 lbs with her but starting out under weight my doctor was nerves but she was fine and healthy. Of course I started using meth again after she was born so the weight just fell off.
5 years later I got pregnant with my twins. My drug use was out of control they are probably the only thing that saved me at that point. again extremely under weight and barely gaining any they were 7 weeks early. I asked my doctor if it was something i had done he said no most twins come early cause there is not enough room for them. They only had to stay a week in the hospital and after 8 years they are some of the biggest children in there classes. again I went back to using meth but after losing our house and I almost lost every thing loved I got clean. I have been clean for 5 1/2 years now. I put on 60 lbs in like 4 month due to depression detox and the fear of leaving my house. In the summer of 2007 I was very suicidal and couldnt take it any more. I switch my drug addition back to my eating additions to cope. I lost 40 lbs that summer and have fought and struggled between 130-140 since it is a yo yo of numbers everyday (cause I am a freak and weigh everyday).
I am sure this was more info than you wanted to know but I wish it was just about food for me it is so much more. Dont get me wrong I would not give my children up for the lowest BMI in the world I just wish it wouldnt effect your hips or give you stretch marks but they are worth it in the end. I love my children!!
I hate to say it but none of my children were planed I guess god does know whats best cause I doubt I would have ever plan it.
When I had my first son I got pregnant at 17. I was about 115 lbs. I was sent away to a girls home for out of control teenagers for 2 years and they feed you very gross high calorie processed government food there, and not eating is not an option if you want to get out. So about 4 months into my pregnancy I was doing ok and went in for my 5 month check up and had gained 15 lbs I cried it was awful. my next month check up I gained another 10 again hysterical and swearing I did not know how I was gaining all this weight my doctor decided to do some further test. Turned out the last part of my pregnancy I developed toxemia. By the time I had my son I weighted 181 the day before. I was so depressed and hated to look at myself by the time I had him. A month after he was born I got the ok from my doctor to start exercising I had already loss half the weight from not eating but in went the video and worked my ass off. He was born in Feb. and my May I was at around 120 and feeling great again.
When I was 19 I got addicted to Meth. So when I got pregnant with my second child, my daughter at 20 I weighted about 100-110. I am very anal about harming your baby when you are pregnant so I stopped the drug use immediately. I only gained 25 lbs with her but starting out under weight my doctor was nerves but she was fine and healthy. Of course I started using meth again after she was born so the weight just fell off.
5 years later I got pregnant with my twins. My drug use was out of control they are probably the only thing that saved me at that point. again extremely under weight and barely gaining any they were 7 weeks early. I asked my doctor if it was something i had done he said no most twins come early cause there is not enough room for them. They only had to stay a week in the hospital and after 8 years they are some of the biggest children in there classes. again I went back to using meth but after losing our house and I almost lost every thing loved I got clean. I have been clean for 5 1/2 years now. I put on 60 lbs in like 4 month due to depression detox and the fear of leaving my house. In the summer of 2007 I was very suicidal and couldnt take it any more. I switch my drug addition back to my eating additions to cope. I lost 40 lbs that summer and have fought and struggled between 130-140 since it is a yo yo of numbers everyday (cause I am a freak and weigh everyday).
I am sure this was more info than you wanted to know but I wish it was just about food for me it is so much more. Dont get me wrong I would not give my children up for the lowest BMI in the world I just wish it wouldnt effect your hips or give you stretch marks but they are worth it in the end. I love my children!!
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
THANKS!!!
Thanks ladies for the great kind and very encouraging words!!! I am sorry I was having a pity party yesterday I am better today ok maybe not better but I dont feel so weighted down today. I have decided that I am not going to weigh myself everyday. I know I have said this before and it was very hard not to get on that scale this morning. I have got to stop weighing myself 20 times a day it is driving me crazy. I have my black ice monster and celery sticks. fingers crossed i make something happen. I just wanted to tell you all thanks again for reading my garbage and then leaving me kind words it really means a lot.
Tuesday, January 31, 2012
Worthless
God that is exactly what I am completely and udderly worthless. I can not do anything right. I cant loss weight I cant be a descent mom, wife or even friend. I am a drain on the oxygen of someone better than me!!!
I am not sure what is going on at home maybe it is just me but it seems like if my husband and i are even in the same room he starts picking a fight with me. I have just avoided him the last few days to save my sanity. Yesterdays weigh in was a fucking bust. I gained 3 lbs since last week yea that is nice. I mean really how hard is it to either stay the same weight or loss people do it all the time. if i could just stop putting shit in my mouth then I could also be one of those people. I was so embarrassed when I left the weigh in.
My world is falling apart I cant stop it and just sit like a bump on a log and watch it. I dont even complain about it anymore just sit there and watch. I have no want to even try and fight back. just let it be. I need to do something about my weight or just drop out of the challenge I am not one that thinks you should do anything you are not good at and my biggest fear in life is failure and I am failing at everything.
I am not sure what is going on at home maybe it is just me but it seems like if my husband and i are even in the same room he starts picking a fight with me. I have just avoided him the last few days to save my sanity. Yesterdays weigh in was a fucking bust. I gained 3 lbs since last week yea that is nice. I mean really how hard is it to either stay the same weight or loss people do it all the time. if i could just stop putting shit in my mouth then I could also be one of those people. I was so embarrassed when I left the weigh in.
My world is falling apart I cant stop it and just sit like a bump on a log and watch it. I dont even complain about it anymore just sit there and watch. I have no want to even try and fight back. just let it be. I need to do something about my weight or just drop out of the challenge I am not one that thinks you should do anything you are not good at and my biggest fear in life is failure and I am failing at everything.
Thursday, January 26, 2012
Plan from now till Monday
So my next weigh in is monday I really hope I do good. I am thinking about a fast today and tomorrow. I will make my low cal soup saturday morning and eat it for lunch and dinner saturday, sunday and monday. I am hoping the weather will be ok for a run saturday and sunday and will exercise every chance I get. I know my scale at home that I use will have to be under 136 in order to do any good monday afternoon. God I hate weighing in with clothes on in the afternoon. I have not seen the 130's in YEARS I get so close then screw it up some how. figures crossed I can do it.
So far today I have had my coffee, Monster Absolutely zero, which sucks and taste nothing like their Black Ice but forgot to go to the store last night so this is what I have. I am hoping for the best on this fast!
So far today I have had my coffee, Monster Absolutely zero, which sucks and taste nothing like their Black Ice but forgot to go to the store last night so this is what I have. I am hoping for the best on this fast!
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Not much to say
Basically I just wanted to tell the few new followers I have HI. Thanks for followin me and look forward to your comments.
Next I wanted to say back to Miranda's comment that I am jealous of my friends lack of ED knowledge. I envy their Oh look gained a pound oh well attitude and really I dont ever remember feeling like that. Even when I was little/younger I would get all upset when I would have to go up a size in jeans and then would work really hard to make them loss on me.
I envy them but really can not imagine life any other way??? crazy.
Next I wanted to say back to Miranda's comment that I am jealous of my friends lack of ED knowledge. I envy their Oh look gained a pound oh well attitude and really I dont ever remember feeling like that. Even when I was little/younger I would get all upset when I would have to go up a size in jeans and then would work really hard to make them loss on me.
I envy them but really can not imagine life any other way??? crazy.
Tuesday, January 24, 2012
Quick update
So went and tanned today need to look hot for vegas...any ways they put some of the weigh ins up on the mirror. Someone loss 7LBS in a week OMG I have got to step up my game!!! I want the cash and I want to look hot for vegas!!! Working overtime now!
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