Its bad

So I get home last night and my children have turned my husband against me. I have had it with their ling, deceitfulness ect. I am done. I am now the maid cook and laundry service and that is it. I think it has sent my depression deeper also and I feel like crap. I was having major digestive issues last week and gained over 10 lbs due to it. I weighed in this morning and am back to 140 and can not even be happy about that. I have really never been a cutter but last night I had two solutions to my problems either cut my legs and arms till the pain went away or get in my car and drive till i forgot. i did neither. I sat on the back porch crying smoking and drinking beer all night till I could not stand myself and went to bed. I sit feel blah this morning trying to find a mask to wear for work but it is hard. I have nothing else.